You know,
sometimes a family just needs to get away and enjoy some quality time together.
For yours truly, the titular Horse’s A, and his family, this weekend was that
time. Leaving our home in Walla Walla,
Washington, we packed up the Reese Rambler and headed toward Chincoteague,
Virginia. Why? Well that’s the home of the world famous Chincoteague Wild
Ponies…not some football team, nay, real ponies that poop real poop and attract
large numbers of tourists who apparently have never seen horses before…ever.
My wife,
upon whose judgment we normally and rightfully rely, made the mind-blowingly…that’s
right, I just created an adverb, deal with it…incorrect call to ask me to be
the one to drive. It’s on record that I
abhor driving. Not my driving, per se, but the driving of other people. The
people who go under the speed limit, those that make turns that would be
impressive in video games, but not so much in real life, and…bridges.
We had to
cross the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, a remarkably well constructed bridge and one
that doesn’t have a tendency to catastrophically collapse, but, being a bridge,
drew my angst and ire to a fever pitch.
It is also a large bridge that spans, by my calculations, forty-three miles
over the water (EDITOR’S Note: The bridge is actually 4.3 miles long. The Author
is NOT to be trusted with decimal points). We cross the bridge while I test the
ultimate limits of the Depends underwear bought for this specific point in our
journey and we finally reach Chincoteague.
It should
be noted at this time that we had an absolutely lovely time in Chincoteague and
its neighboring island Assateague, which is actually where the ponies can be
found. It should also be noted at this time that no one reads this blog to find
out that everything was wonderful and nothing went awry. That
being said, we arrive at our hotel and dump our things…including the
aforementioned Depends underwear and being our tourism bit. We begin on Main
Street and backtrack towards Maddox Blvd…which is actually the Main Street, but
whatever. We begin to realize that the
mean age of the population is somewhere between eighty-five and the age of
those who actually witnessed the Civil War. And they are chatty…all of them.
I’m not
really a people person, being socially awkward, and the concept of trying and
subsequently failing to come up with ways to not seem to be the horribly
awkward person I am makes me nauseous.
But I’m there with my beloved girls so I have to be the father and
husband so I make nice-nice. We spent a
reasonable amount of time buying up trinkets and had a genuinely great time
looking at the sights and sounds of the city…er…town…uh village. We then
decided to go visit the Assateague Lighthouse, which is located on an elevated
section of what can only be described as a swamp.
The
lighthouse itself was a pleasure to see and it was even fun to get to the top
and get a remarkable view of the surrounding area. When we got back to terra firma, my thighs
filed for divorce on the grounds of torture and I reluctantly agreed. Then, as I stood before the entrance to the
lighthouse, I remembered my kollej edumakashun that reminded me what kinds of
bugs were around swamps. Yep, mosquitos.
And guess who completely forgot to bring bug spray? Yep, me. So there we are,
running down the hill, waving our hands, and generally looking like fools
attempting to, unsuccessfully, evade the mosquitos of doom.
Alright,
well, so we are now somewhat more bumpy (thanks to the bites) than when we
began this trip, but hey, let’s go to the beach and relax. It’s about sixty-five degrees and quite
windy. We’ve neglected to bring some sort of protection from the sun so we
bought a beach umbrella. So there I am
trying to secure an unfurled beach umbrella into the sand during wind gusts measured
up to 165 mph (EDITOR’S Note: Look, we’ve been through this, people. Decimals
and this lame brain author do not get along well together, so slap a period
between the six and the five and you should be in the correct ballpark).
Well, I
fail miserably to keep possession of our beach umbrella as it floated off
towards the NASA station just down the road. I’m sure they had to fire a rocket
or something at it for practice so I prefer to think of my feeble and
unsuccessful efforts to control my umbrella as a unique testing opportunity for
my Country. You’re welcome. Luckily, my wife bought sandwiches so I do what I
do best…eat copious amounts of non-healthy food. I am pleased to announce that
that endeavor was a complete success!
As I
alluded to earlier, we had a really good time in Chincoteague and Assateague.
We suffered no fatalities and we were able to launch a new satellite into the
lower atmosphere of the Earth. Oh…and I
met up with an old friend of mine named Noxzema…I forgot sunscreen so I’ll be
doing a lobster impression for the next few days. Available for parties should
you need a lobster impersonator! At the
very least I can try to…WAIT! Nope, can't end this article without wishing my lovely bride a very happy birthday. Love you, honey and thank you for helping me every day in at least attempting to...
Be Good or Be Good At It!
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