Gather ‘round,
children and ‘ol Uncle Alan will tell you the story about the first Easter. No,
no, not the whole religious story of dying and coming back to life and morals
and lessons and such. That would be boring so instead I’ll
tell you the story of the first Easter. ‘Tis the story of Hornigold the bunny
and Kenway the seal…
Hornigold
the bunny lived in a hole deep within the ground.
He’d
hop and hop and eat some ‘shrooms and stagger all around.
Hornigold
loved all things and many things more than once.
He’d
smoke and drink all manner of things for months and months and months.
‘Twas
at a party one night he met a chicken named Jenny,
And
Jenny just loved drinking her Ginny.
She
had too much and threw up and such so Horni gave her some drugs.
She
took them in stride and down went her hide and she passed out on some rugs.
Kenway
was a lively but gullible old seal whose energy was matched only by his zeal.
He
had met Hornigold just prior to the party and his concern for his new friend
was real.
He
knew Jenny was dirty and Hornigold was flirty and tried to stop Horni’s lust.
But
one quick drunken swing by Hornie and ‘ol Kenway bit the dust.
When
Kenway came to the deed had been done and passed out were Hornie and Jenny.
A
bottle of LSD lied empty on the floor, the couple oh they must have had plenty.
Hornigold
and Jenny spent much of the week recovering from that night.
It
was a few weeks later when Jenny laid her eggs that the both recoiled in
fright.
The
eggs were bright neon and colored they were in all manner of shades, tints and hues.
Jenny
pleaded with Hornie to run away with the eggs as if jones’in for some booze.
Yes,
take the eggs, leave this place and give them away post haste.
Let
children find and collect them all and we’ll just pretend we both were chaste.
So
off into the world went Hornigold and alongside him was Kenway.
A
trusted friend he was to follow Hornie and make sure he gave the eggs away.
Hornie
did his job and hid the eggs and was so thankful for Kenway’s aid.
They
went to many a land both near and far and many a bar did they raid.
Hornigold
sent word to his bunny friends to come clubbing WITH the seal.
And
boy did they come and full of piss, vinegar and oh so much zeal.
But ‘ol Hornigold had sent an un-proofread
invitation and he was too late to repeal.
For
all came his friends and gathered all around for the clubbing OF the seal.
Yes, children, that was the story
of the first Easter. Now we all celebrate with brightly colored and decorated
eggs and celebrate the story of Hornigold and Kenway. Bet you didn’t know where this holiday came
from and now you can grow up and pass this tradition on to your children.
Oh, I guess morals are important
so here’s the moral for this one…
As prepositions proved crucial in
this little tale,
And grammar was not just a pile
of sh*t.
Happy Easter to all and through
all your travails,
BE GOOD OR BE GOOD AT IT!
Be sure to follow me on Twitter at @Aldog20171 for more weirdness!
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