Alms for the Bore

       

              Every once in a while an example of extreme stupidity is demonstrated by someone other than myself.  When such a monumental event takes place, I must champion it from the highest mountain…but I get tired easily so I’ll just tell it from this metaphorical mountain.  I was driving home from work the other day and was listening to the news radio station. I typically listen to said radio station to find out how nice it’s going to be throughout the work week and how terrible the weather is certain to be on the weekend. Imagine my surprise when a piece of news actually took precedent over the incoming snow storm, heat wave, rain event or swarm of locusts we were no doubt going to experience. It seems that we, the people, have not been paying our members of Congress enough.

     For those of you who know me personally, you know that I abhor politics and, thus, politicians. I truly believe the opposite of progress is Congress and don’t equate any member of any political party to be anything other than a used car salesman with a slightly more expensive suit. Obviously this does not apply to any friends or family I have that are in the political arena. That, my friends, is called hypocrisy. I majored in it in college. 

              That said, I found it humorous when I heard that Congressman Jim Moran is trying to convince his fellow shysters…sorry…public servants to vote to allow themselves a per diem (fancy way of saying allowance of money per day) in addition to their salaries and benefits.  Here is his statement (Source: interview with CQ Roll Call), “I think the American people should know that the members of Congress are underpaid. I understand that it’s widely felt that they underperform, but the fact is that this is the board of directors for the larges economic entity in the world.”

              So let me just sit back and allow my feeble cranial matter to process that thought. Translated through political-speak, he’s saying. “Hey, I know we all suck, but come on, this is supposed to be an important job we’re screwing up. Pay me!” Now I know that he’s a Democrat, which doesn’t matter to me. The Republican’s will try to have him dismembered in the press and the Democrats will say it was taken out of context…and if he was a Puby instead of a Demy, the rolls would be reversed. But come on, Jimmy boy. You’re not even trying here!

 

              I decided that I needed another opinion on this so I decided to sit down with my good friend, Michael Hunt, a research specialist with the statistical research group, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe.  According to Mr. Hunt, “Clearly, Representative Moran has not developed the necessary job skills that are widely accepted as standard within the elected arm of the Federal Government, namely the act of falsely reporting campaign contributions.”

              Mr. Hunt went on to say that nearly 75% of those polled answered 50% of the questions and nearly 100% were currently alive.  He then explained that partly sunny and partly cloudy are essentially the same thing and that having a glass half full versus half empty doesn’t really matter so long as the evaporation rate remains at a positive level. Finely, he drooled on himself for an hour and I ended the interview.

              So Jim, please, simmer down on the whole ‘pay us more and then we’ll do better’ talk. Just be like everyone else and swindle us and make sure that money disappears after being in your position. It is, after all, the American Way!

And Be Good or Be Good At It!