Okay, this is exactly how
stereotypes are born. One thing starts
to go wrong, and everyone just gives it a shrug. Two things happen and people
chuckle. Three things go terribly wrong
and the ball starts to roll downhill toward Edsel-Town or Wii-U-ville. Welcome to the Silver Line of the Washington
DC area’s Metro.
I’m going
to start out here and say that I have a dog in this fight…on wait…too soon
after Michael Vick…I have a horse in this race…yeah, that’s better. I live in Northern
Virginia and ride the Metro to work every day.
And I can’t wait for this new Metro expansion, which will create a new
line of the metro, subway, tube, whatever you wish to call it, which will have
a station within a few miles of where I live.
It will cut a great deal of travel time to and from my job (I’m a
sight-challenged gynecologist with shaky hands, a nervous tick and a tendency
to lie about his occupation).
Naturally
I was elated when I found out a few years ago that this new Metro system was
going to become a reality. The new line was even given a new name…the Silver
Line! Granted the other lines of the Metro
have color names like Blue, Orange, Green, Yellow, even a Red line that
occasionally goes from one station to another without breaking down...rarely
but it does happen. But the Silver Line, well that sounds classy. Sounds regal. Sounds…expensive. Oh well, it will definitely be worth it. Grab
a shovel, boys, it’s time to get this job done!
Oh wait,
to quote the immortal detective Columbo, “One more thing…” the Silver Line will
go $150 million over budget and 8 months late, with now an indefinite delay on
the project. The executive director has
resigned in disgrace and has moved to Abu Dhabi because he likes the sound of
the place. There are leaky roofs, cables
that need to be replaced, speakers that don’t work (and I presume they mean
electronic speakers and not just people who make a living talking), and a
communication system that shuts down for no apparent reason. Now, I’m a man who believes there is way too much talking in the world to begin with but I do
recognize that this communication system, which allows the trains to talk to
the control center is at least mildly important.
I
referenced earlier my belief that it is in situations such as these that stereotypes
form. All around the region, artists are preparing to draw the caricatures that
will define our Northern Virginia area. Oh yes, we’ll be people with no
opposable thumbs, only one butt cheek as we only do things in a half-a**ed way,
our tendency to take ourselves way too seriously and when push comes to shove,
we can’t actually complete anything.
Congratulations, Silver Line, you’ve made us a laughing-stock. How many
Northern Virginian’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? There is no finish
to that joke because we can’t pull it off with the people and equipment we
have. Nice.
Maybe we
shouldn’t be allowed to have a completed Metro. I mean, perhaps this is God’s
way of keeping us idiots away from the general population. Perhaps we just can’t
be trusted enough to create a system of transportation that is on rails…that
doesn’t vary…that goes from point A to point B. Yep, too complex a task it is.
Speaking like Yoda I am. Do you see what you’ve done to me, Metro? Hmm, at you
I’m pissed.
I jest,
not joust as I can’t because I’m still
having trouble removing someone’s Burgonet and Voider from my Culet…long story, but do NOT
get drunk at a Medieval Times (that joke’s for you, Jessica!), but really, what
can we do to pull this off? Does the
stink and failure of politics in Washington drift downwind to the Old Dominion?
Are we unable to make a choo-choo that goes from one destination to another
because we lack the cranial matter to complete the task? Do we engage in financial arrangement with
contractors who stopped selling snake oil only as recently as this morning to
build our transportation system? There
are a lot of people in our area with a lot of pieces of paper acknowledging
their smartitude that they’ve purchased from knowledge peddlers in fancy
buildings. Could they not get together
and build a trolley that goes from one place to another? Well, I guess even if
we do finish building the Silver Line, we’ll come up with one heck of a
conductor for it…
So go
ahead Canada, invade us. We’re ready. I
know you’ve been waiting for the time and place when we’d be at our intellectually
worst. Congrats, we’re here. Just promise me one thing. If you’re going to
come down and take us over, please at least…
Etre Bon Ou Etre Bon Dans Ce!
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