Hey, let’s take a trip on the trainamathingy! Washington D.C. and its surrounding
territory. Having lived in this area for most of my life, I’m used to the
monuments, freaky weather and sometime freakier inhabitants (wait a minute…does
that include me? Probably). Like many of us, I travel to and from work on the
Metro…aka subway, train or tram. I’ve
seen a lot of people in my daily trek and I’ve developed a list of the types of
people you find on the Metro each day.
Here is the list for those who may be travelling through our humble
city.
The Tourist. Yes, easily the most recognizable of the
group. The Tourist is the one with the wide open eyes, full of wonder and often
full of questions. They are most likely
to snap a picture and an awful observation at the same time. These should be avoided as they will more
than likely miss their stop and you’ll have to waste a great deal of time
helping them not end up in the Anacostia River.
The
Prince/Princess. For these lovely
snowflakes, no rules apply. They want to
sit next to a stranger when there are completely open seats? Sure! Want to
stand on the left said of the escalator and not walk? By all means. Please
regale us with your cell phone conversation with your Poochie Woochie significant
other and let us know what you’re having for dinner. Dumbass.
The Land Shark.
No, not the Jimmy Buffett fan version. This land shark mimics the [false]
believe that if a shark stops swimming it will drown. In this case, the land shark will probably
die the moment he or she stops talking.
They will not stop…ever. Not even to breathe. Quite an accomplishment to
behold unless you are the person to whom they are addressing.
The Holy Crap You’re
Too Old to Be Out Drinking person. They’re
smelly, they are older than 25, they are…and probably will be for the
foreseeable future…hungover. More than
likely found at the back of the train collapsed on a seat. They are holding on
for dear life as the train won’t stop spinning and their liver is trying
desperately to exit their body through any orifice available. These people are exceptionally easy to avoid
and are not considered a threat as they are more than likely waiting for death
to arrive.
Finally, you have
the worker. Me. We’re the Obi-Wan Kenobis
of the Metro system. We’ve seen it all;
we’ve heard it all and now…we’d like to be left alone. If we could head towards Tatooine to avoid
the Metro people we would. We know to
stand on the right and walk on the left on an escalator. We know to move our
butts once we get down to the end of the escalator and not just stop and look
around. We are the ones with ear buds
that secretly are not connected to anything just to avoid unwanted
conversation.
Well, there you have
it. Your guide to the Metro, Subway, train, tram, thingy in the Washington DC
Area. Now you can successfully identify
and possibly tag the types of people that should be avoided. Don’t you feel
better now for having that information?
Until next time, Be Good or Be Good At It!
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