The Trash Whisperer

              In today’s modern society, where men and women can place fraudulent advertisements for themselves online using glamor shots and Photoshop all from the comfort of their sugar and alcohol filled dwellings, it should not come to anyone’s surprise that television has evolved.  There are, with very few exceptions, no TV shows that are ‘appointment TV’ phenomenon any more.  We just DVR a show (or if you’re as old as I am ‘tape’ a show) and watch it when one cannot sleep or has an extra half hour for broadband to wake up.  

              As I write more of these you’ll find that I’m quite content to be discontented. If I’m not complaining, I’m not living (to modify a modern saying).  In this case, however, I love and wholeheartedly approve of the DVR system.  But there has developed an unholy gift that my wife and I share, and a gift that I anticipate many of those reading this share as well: Trash Whispering.

              What is Trash Whispering you may ask (probably alone, which means you are talking to yourself and should get that checked out)?  The ability to immediately determine if a TV show lives or dies by only viewing said program for 26 seconds. See an awful sitcom on CBS, ABC or NBC and you’ll know it in an instant.  Even the actors themselves have this accepting form of acting as if to say “Look, I just don’t want to be waiting tables right now so I’m doing this…just to get some tape for the next audition…just bear with me.”  See any new Crime Drama’s lately? No you haven’t…that well’s run dry. Oh you may see new titles and new actors, but they’re all the same really.

              Hand and hand with Trash Whispering is the Love Curse…no not a sickening old Pat Benatar 1980’s song, but a real condition. My wife has it, actually. The moment she falls in love with a TV show…it’s done, cancelled, tapes of which are destroyed, actors and actresses shipped off to a deserted island, never to be seen again. I thought I had it…a long time ago, when I fell in love with a show called “Tales of the Golden Monkey” and then never saw it again…but that’s just me. Nope, my wife can have her heart broken, filleted and served up on a platter the moment she actually enjoys a show, and it’s quickly replaced with some dumb tripe like “Pooping with the Stars” or “Amish Celebrity Pawn Stars All Star Survivor Cooking Spectacular.” 

              I’m sure we’re not the only ones with this gift so I’d be interested in finding out if anyone else has had similar experiences.

Until Next Time, Be Good or Be Good At It!