Those Wacky Russians

Today I was going to regale you with tales of my culinary expertise, ranging from my curious tendency to burn everything up to and including cereal to my even more curious ability construct sandwiches that taste a great deal like batteries (probably best not to ask).  I was feeling all ready to begin when that ‘ol wacky Putin invaded Crimea…oh sorry, annexed Crimea.  So readers, if you’ll excuse me for this article, I just want to have a little chat with the leader of Russia…m’kay?

              Vladimir Putin...Vlad…Putty…how ya ‘doin?  You feeling good now that you showed you were a big bad man and gaining quite a bit of real estate for your country in the process?  Well I know exactly how that feels because one time in Boy Scouts, I was able to strong arm the troop camping next to us to give up some of their campsite space so that we could have a larger campfire. Good times, Good times. Anyway, Congratulations! I hear Crimea is beautiful this time of year, maybe. But I simply have to ask you, is it worth it?

              Personally, I say go ahead and have Crimea. I know I haven’t been waking up in the morning saying, ‘Gosh I love Crimea. I sure hope nothing happens to it.’  So go for it, so long as you don’t disrupt my everyday routine, go right ahead and invade…sorry…annex to your heart’s content. But just a pal, I’m telling ya it’s not really worth the trouble.  Remember when, as a little dictator…President, you told your parents ‘I want a dog’ and then they got you one and it was your parents that ended up taking care of it before you tore its head off just for fun? Same basic thing here, oh sure it’s a nice toy right now, but sooner or later the people are going to want rights and stupid things like food and shelter and then all the glory disappears. Just one hassle after another. 

              Is it the Olympics? Hey I was upset when the US lost in the hockey event, but did I march into my neighbors’ yard and force them to vote that I should control their garden and shed? No, I just blamed the IOC and moved on. It’s okay, it happens. So buck up, ‘lil trooper, it’ll be okay. Oh, and please just stop inva…annexing any new countries, m’kay? You know we Americans are terrible at geography anyway so stop making it more complicated by rearranging borders.

быть хорошим или быть хорошо получается

(I’ll let the readers determine what that means…hint…it’s always as the bottom, which is opposite of top unless you’re in Australia where it’s reversed.)