Okay, I’m not a big
issues-guy. I have a rule that states
that I never make it part of my business to expound upon political causes or climb
up on a soap box about anything serious, but today I’m going to break that
rule. There is an emergency in the New York Area. There has been, get ready people, the
emergence of a stalking clown on Staten Island.
Yes, you’ve read correctly. A big,
scary, clown has been sighted multiple times standing behind trees, standing in
front of signs, etc. He’s not doing
anything but holding a balloon and looking clowny, but really, would he need to
doing anything else? Would he need to be holding a bloody axe and the head of
an orphan to convey any deeper level of evil and damnation he and his demonic
brethren (and yes Mimes, I’m looking right at you…oh yeah? Say something to
deny it. Ha! I knew it) represent?
At the time of my writing this, we
know who is behind it. Some mentally deranged man named Michael Leavy and his
production company called “Fuzz on the Lens” were behind the creation and
appearance of this guardian of the hellmouth. I am sure that those reading
this, whether they be for or against the death penalty, know that only the strictest
of punishments can satisfy the vengeance for a crime of this magnitude.
Drawing and Quartering? Bah, too
weak. Hanging by rope made of durian fibers? Not even close. A 24 hour continuous loop of Al Gore’s “An
Inconvenient Truth?” Okay, now let’s not go overboard here, we are civilized
after all. These demon spawns purposely
took to the streets to destroy the fabric of all that is good with the
world. They brought out among us the
very embodiment of evil. Clowns, of
course, represent the epitome of all that nature despises and what drives
anything remotely symbolizing good and right fleeing into the hills. And to allow a man, a supposed person made of
flesh and blood, to bring forth this putrefaction (scientifically named Clownimus
Kardashian) into our society to taunt and destroy us.
Oh I am giving you SUCH a glare
right now.
So Be Good or Be At It…except you…don’t you just feel
terrible?
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