Remember when you were growing up
and believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that your generation was, and forever
will be, the smartest, hippest, and coolest generation in the history of
mankind? Well, it turns out we were
right; only in a completely and utterly wrong sort of way. These kids today (oh those words), including
my daughter, are something completely outside the realm of historical mankind.
I prefer to reference the generation as more Cyborg Magellans than the next
advance into the human experience.
This is
NOT a bad thing. To date, mankind have
devolved into a bunch of cavemen and cavewomen when put into a group begin
bickering over labels, throwing bones of idiocy and salivating over buzzwords. I,
and the others of my generation, are the absolute pinnacle of mankind’s
evolution. That’s it, we’ve reached the
top. Yay…but there is one small thing…the Grand Architect has decided that our
evolution took a wrong turn in Albuquerque and it’s been decided that they’re
just going to scrap the first model and move onto a completely different
prototype. Enter the Cyborg Magellans.
Named after
the famed Portuguese explorer, these new have the inborn ability to communicate
with computers and all electronic devices (perhaps toasters, too, but the data
on that is, to date, inconclusive) to which they become exposed. They no longer require actual human contact
as they prefer bandwidth to brotherhood and being wireless rather than
witty. My nine year old daughter is a
prime example of the Cyborg Magellan.
I am a
gamer (that’s an inclusive title for anyone who loves the hell out of video
games). Not a particularly good one, but
a proud one nonetheless. There I am, 38
years old and trying desperately to defeat a mighty 12 year old over the
internet in a game of…ya know I don’t think I can mention the name of the game
for fear of copyright infringement so I’ll just say that I used to ice skate
and would FALL all the time…did I mention I like the Tennessee TITANs football
team? Oh well, I digress. I start to get disgusted having died for the 8th
time in 45 seconds and I accidently drop my controller across the room. My
Cyborg Magellan picks up the controller and scores multiple kills in 17
seconds. I have to be honest with you…I cried a little.
So as a
proud representation of the end of the line generation for mankind, I say it’s
all yours Cyborg Magellans. Now I get to
sit back and watch…should be one heck of a show!
Oh, and just in case one tries to
pin me down as to who the Grand Architect is or if it’s part of a grand
conspiracy, I can’t give you details because it’s a secret.
Until Next Time, 10110111011011011 (binary for Be Good or Be
Good At It!)
I think that somehow kids nowadays were born with some innate ability to play vidoe games....am ability I have yet to aquire
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